What If I'm Wrong?

Summertime

Summertime is finally here! I have longed for the sunshine and the peaceful rhythms of summer for so long, but now that it’s here, I’m realizing that I have not prepared for what I would like this summer to hold.

My oldest two plan to work at camp for most of the summer which completely changes the dynamics of our family. A family of six feels very different than a family of four. I have grown accustomed to having another driver in the family and being able to make plans with friends without concern for the littles being taken care of. Our chore schedule, though loose, is affected as well. I will be doing more loads of laundry again, BUT washing clothes for four instead of six actually sounds amazing.

There will be two weeks when we will be a family of three- one when my younger son goes to camp and one where my youngest daughter does the same. They are both excited for their weeks of camp and I am excited for them. Camp was a huge part of my summer for all of my growing up years. I’m thankful that the Lord has made it possible for my kids to have these similar experiences.

My husband and I both worked at camps as well and the impact those summers have had on us affect us to this day. Serving the Lord, growing in our faith, serving others, developing leadership skills, being poured into by wise and godly men and women, handling unexpected difficulties, working with many different personalities and learning to submit graciously to the authority of others in leadership helped to prepare us for ministry today. It’s exciting to consider how God intends to use this time in the lives of my kids. But honestly, it’s a little terrifying too. I know the trajectory of my own life and the reality that following the Lord’s plan for my life took me away from my beloved parents and my beautiful Pennsylvania.

This summer is a further opening of my hands as I release my children to the Lord and not only allow, but encourage them to follow the Lord’s leading. My oldest is an adult now (gasp!) and this transition is way harder than I imagined it would be. She still needs me for many things, but she’s also becoming her own person. And I struggle with letting go, because that means that she will fail at things AND I JUST HAVE TO LET HER!! That’s hard. But it’s also really good. I assume that if you have gone through this already, you completely understand.

I have just written 438 words about my summertime plans and most of those words have been about my kids and not about me. Such is the life of a Mom! And that is why I found myself in this place of uncertainty. I’ve written before about times in my life when I have felt like I am in a holding pattern and if I could adequately define the events of the past couple of years, that seems like a good metaphor to describe it. I’ve been surviving, trying to keep everything going smoothly, but I desire so much more than just making it through.

I intend for this summer to be some deep dives into what the Lord has for me in this next season. How will I thrive and not just survive? What does success for Becky Daye look like? This question is a big one for me, because I have allowed the weight of others opinions determine my steps for far too long. Even asking that question feels selfish to me, but I am learning that it’s actually the opposite, because I truly believe that success is an individual job. It’s found in figuring out who God has made me to be and then faithfully living that out. It’s not about measuring up to what other people consider success. This feels very freeing and I’m excited to continue pursuing God’s Word and allowing Him to define my success.

I have been reading a ton and intend to keep doing that. My hammock is one of my favorite places to be and I intend to spend a lot of time there planning for the next school year, getting lost in delightful fiction, digging deep into truth and maybe even taking naps. I want to explore the beautiful parks that surround our home in Western New York. I have two little adventurers who will benefit from these treks as well. I want to challenge myself to bake more, to effectively use the grill and to try new recipes that will bring new excitement and life to our meal times. Anyone else in a serious mealtime rut? Again, surviving rather than thriving!

I want to chase sunsets with my husband. I want to go on walks with friends. I want to listen to my camp staff children tell me about their experiences. I want my littles to have playdates with new friends and enjoy their long time friends. I want to dream and plan. I want to love others well and be kind no matter what.

I want to continue to walk through grief with my eyes fixed firmly on Jesus. My study Bible talks about David having a defiant hope and ever since I read that, I have been contemplating what this means. David had been promised that he would be king and so when others attacked him and tried to take his life, he continued to walk in faithfulness, because he knew the hope he had was sure. My life has been rocked by grief, yet I can have a defiant hope knowing that this is not the end of the story. Jesus has defeated death! I have life in Christ! What can man do to me?

Summer 2021 feels like the beginning of a new chapter. This last one was not my favorite, yet it has forced me to confront sins in my own heart and I am emerging from this time as a woman more determined to pursue Christ and to seek truth. I now understand why my Daddy always started his day reading scripture. This is no longer a negotiable for me. I desperately crave God’s Word. Would I change that for anything? Nope.

What does this summer hold for you? Whether it is a busy time for you or a season of rest, I pray that you too would find hope, joy and peace in Christ. Here’s to a great summer!

What if I’m Right?

Posted by on June 14, 2021 in Introspection | Comments Off on What if I’m Right?

When we’re having an argument or a disagreement with someone, it’s important to ask the question “what if I’m wrong?”But what happens when we come to the conclusion that we’re not wrong, but we are indeed right?

While I have discovered the importance of asking the question “what if I’m wrong?” when I disagree with someone else, I am discovering that it is equally important to ANSWER the question “what if I’m right?”.

There have been times when I have disagreed with someone and I am convinced that my perspective is the right one. I have asked myself “what if I’m wrong?”. I have prayed about the situation. I have agonized over it and sought the Lord. I have pored over scripture. I have asked for the wise counsel of godly men and women. After all this, when I know that my perspective lines up with the truth of God’s Word, I need to respond to the question “what if I’m right?”

When you know that you are right, but the disagreement persists, what do you do? What I have learned/am learning is that my response must be grace-filled. It must align with what I know to be true about how God deals with me. My response must be kind, loving, compassionate, and patient.

I cannot insist that the other person agree with me. I definitely must not slander them or demean and belittle them when they refuse to agree with me. If I do these things, I may be right in my opinion, but I am certainly wrong in my treatment of the other person. Scripture is VERY clear on this. We are to treat others the way that Jesus would treat them. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

I have not always done this perfectly in my life. My sinful tendency is to fight back when I feel that someone is in the wrong. In the past, I have been convinced that if we can just talk about the issue more, surely I will be able to make the other person see things from my perspective. But this is the sin of pride, believing that if I’m right, then I get to manipulate the other person into agreeing with me. I’m slowly learning how ugly this approach is.

I am grateful for the Lord’s patience with me!

Humility has taught me to ask the question “what if I’m wrong? Wisdom teaches me to answer the question “what if I’m right?”. Even if I’m right, I need to trust the Lord to work in the other person’s heart in HIS timing. I must wait on Him to reveal truth to the other person. And in the meantime, I need to love them well. Wisdom reminds me that we are all on a journey and I can trust God to work in the other person’s life. Humility gently reminds me that I might not be the one who is supposed to teach them the lesson they need to learn.

I am incredibly grateful for the friends, mentors and counselors in my life who have lovingly walked beside me, who have gently pointed me to truth when I am in the wrong, and who have shown grace along the way.

I pray that I would be quick to admit when I am wrong and that I would be gracious and kind when I am right.

Humility and wisdom.

 

 

What If I’m Wrong?

My husband and I got into an argument the other day. It was over schedules and expectations and assumptions. We have entered a new phase in our parenting, one where we are juggling many opposing schedules. While my husband’s schedule has stayed generally the same, I am finding myself in a stressful place, trying to get everyone to where they need to be and desiring not to let anybody down.

And there’s the crux of the problem. I don’t want to let anyone down. I’m discovering that my greatest fear is disappointing others and when I sense that I am letting someone down then I spiral and feel like I am a failure and a disappointment to everyone.

The fear was overwhelming me and so I fought back against my husband and I made assumptions about his schedule that were completely unfair. I seethed and he soothed. I had disrespected him, but he patiently explained why he might not be able to be available at the time I needed him.

As he spoke, my heart began to soften and I realized that I was wrong. My assumptions were incorrect and I had disrespected him by believing that his reasons were selfish and unloving. How blind I was!

Later as I reflected on our argument, I was in tears as I basked in the grace my husband had shown to me. I didn’t deserve it. I had been manipulative and unkind, yet he continued to reach out in love towards me. I cried because I had been given a beautiful picture of God’s steadfast love for me in the way my husband gently dealt with me. I cried because of the way love covers a multitude of sins. I cried because my greatest fear had been realized- I WAS letting others down- yet I had come out the other side, safe, secure and loved. I cried because I was amazed at the abundant grace that had been lavished on me.

In the middle of our argument, I stood at my kitchen sink, angry and frustrated while my family poured milk into cereal, set the table, and poured the coffee behind me. And I prayed. It didn’t take long for me to ask the question, what if I’m wrong? My husband hadn’t explained himself at that point, but I knew that I needed to allow my heart to be softened. I love my husband. I wanted our relationship to be restored.

What I have discovered is this- when we love others, we will be quick to admit and acknowledge our own fault. Not a single one of us is without fault. We are not God. We do not know the motives of others. We cannot judge perfectly. Ever. But when we are able to admit that we might be wrong, it allows us to listen to the other person. Listening provides the opportunity to understand where the other person is coming from. Understanding leads to trust. When you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the other person loves you and you love them in return, then reconciliation is possible.

But all of these things are necessary. Admitting our own wrong. Listening to the other person. Seeking to understand. Trust based on a mutual love for one another. Reconciliation.

Are you quick to admit when you are wrong or do you stubbornly hold onto your opinion? When you discover that you are wrong about something, do you apologize and seek to make amends? Do you blame others when they don’t live up to your expectations or do you seek to understand their perspective?

Be quick to admit when you are wrong. Listen well to others. Seek to understand. Genuinely love. And then allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the beauty of reconciliation!

Be quick to ask yourself, what if I’m wrong? And frequently pray Psalm 139:23, 24…

“Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.” 

The One Where She Graduated

Dear Lindsay,

When I told your Dad that I wouldn’t speak at your graduation and instead wait to write my words to you, I did so with the expectation that the words would come easily. After all, there are eighteen years of memories. There are countless hopes and dreams I have for you. There are so many things that I want to say.

Yet I find myself at a loss for words this morning. I have written and deleted numerous times already.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been telling you what I want you to know all along the way. I told you through all of the baby snuggles, the walks to the playground, the books I read to you. I’ve expressed it in all of the birthday parties I have thrown for you. I’ve reminded you through the tears shed at every single concert, performance, and accomplishment of yours. It’s in the way Dad and I have advocated for you and defended you when you were being treated unfairly. It’s in the way we’ve rebuked and challenged you when you were clearly in the wrong. I’ve told you on road trips and on flights to foreign countries. I’ve shown you through adventures and traditions. It’s been in the laughter at the dining room table (what a hullabaloo that is!). It’s been in the sorrow over losses along the way.

It’s this and it’s really quite simple.

I love you, Lindsay Elise!

Watching you become the woman you are today has been an incredible journey. From the very beginning, you had strong opinions and you would push back against me. A good friend reminded me that God would use that strong will for his glory someday. She was right! I see that strength in you growing into something beautiful as you submit to the Lord.

You have met adversity in your life with the determination to change and to grow.

You have made mistakes, but you keep trying to learn from them.

You have pursued passions and I can’t wait to see how God uses your creativity, your writing, your singing, your loyalty, your love for kids, your leadership, and your love for Him!

Your future is bright, Lindsay. Not because it will be easy or because you will succeed at everything you pursue. You already know that life is painful and hard at times and you have failed enough times to know that success is not a guarantee.

Your future is bright because you have learned to look in the right direction. You are choosing to fix your eyes on Christ and to know him more.

“You will shine among them like stars in the sky, as you hold firmly to the word of life.” Philippians 2:15,16

As Dad said, we are so proud of you, Lindsay, and we love you. But more importantly, your heavenly Father loves you with his always and forever love. And so, your future is bright, because these things will never change.

This next chapter is still unwritten, but I can’t wait to see what God writes into your story. I know it will be epic!

Love always,

Mom