When I Don’t Want to Choose Dignity
We are already 2 weeks into 2015 and I have to tell you that I am NOT liking my one word for the year. Who thought dignity was a good idea?!!
Deliberate made sense. It gave me the opportunity to think through what I do, to set goals, to make lists. It meant that I wasn’t going to let life just happen to me.
Faithful wasn’t easy, but it was good. 2013 was one of those years of the unexpected. Ainsley came in her own sweet time with several false starts that left me reeling. But hearing “How Great Thou Art” while I was laboring with her seemed appropriate. In the good times and the bad, I have learned to trust God. And my heart is able to praise Him through it all. Then a few months later, I was faced with the final reality of losing my precious Daddy. And yet, all of the pieces fit together perfectly- he met Ainsley! I got to squeeze his hand and kiss his cheek and tell him how much I loved him. And then our entire family gathered together in one of our favorite spots on earth as we celebrated his life. We sang “It is Well”and it was.
Brave was challenging, but it was FUN! It was the excuse to try the daring things that bring excitement to life. I felt like I was able to be a kid again. Play softball? Run a 5K? Yes, please!
But dignity? Well, it doesn’t make sense, it is not good and it is certainly not fun. Dignity is HARD.
In the past two weeks, I have yelled at my children more than I care to admit. I have also yelled at my husband and friends, there is nothing dignified about this. In these few short weeks, I have come to realize how very undignified I am. Frustration comes easily to me. It rises so quickly to the surface. And I can justify it! If you only knew what my day was like, I say, but I can see it in his eyes. Excuses. Lack of contentment. Immaturity even.
Choosing dignity as my one word has opened up a Pandora’s box for me. It is causing me to look hard at my heart issues, the ones that most casual observers of my life never see. But they are there and they are being ripped out and they are on display. My family has front row seats.
The ugliness in me has got to go.
As you might expect, I have been pondering this idea of being clothed with dignity (Proverbs 31:25). Dignity is a choice. It is something I can choose to put on. Or not. It is a deliberate decision to respond in an appropriate way. It is being faithful to truth, even when I might prefer to respond out of emotion. It is being brave enough to draw a line in the sand, to say THIS is who I want to be, because THIS is who I believe Christ wants me to be!
When I first joined Pinterest, I started a style board (which is quite laughable- those who know me are all too familiar with my general lack of style!). But one thing I do know is that everyone has a different style based on age, personality, body type, and financial means. I believe the same might be true of dignity. It is not a one-size-fits all kind of thing.
This year, I am going to start a dignity board, maybe not literally on Pinterest, but definitely in my head and my heart. What should dignity look like on me? How do I change my quick responses of frustration? In what ways can I bring honor to my God through my pursuit of dignity? How do I honor others?
One thing I know for sure is that this pursuit of dignity is going to be quite the ride!
Image from the lovely and generous Traci from tracimichele.com