When I Don’t Want to Choose Dignity

We are already 2 weeks into 2015 and I have to tell you that I am NOT liking my one word for the year. Who thought dignity was a good idea?!!

Deliberate made sense. It gave me the opportunity to think through what I do, to set goals, to make lists. It meant that I wasn’t going to let life just happen to me.

Faithful wasn’t easy, but it was good. 2013 was one of those years of the unexpected. Ainsley came in her own sweet time with several false starts that left me reeling. But hearing “How Great Thou Art” while I was laboring with her seemed appropriate. In the good times and the bad, I have learned to trust God. And my heart is able to praise Him through it all. Then a few months later, I was faced with the final reality of losing my precious Daddy. And yet, all of the pieces fit together perfectly- he met Ainsley! I got to squeeze his hand and kiss his cheek and tell him how much I loved him. And then our entire family gathered together in one of our favorite spots on earth as we celebrated his life. We sang “It is Well”and it was.

Brave was challenging, but it was FUN! It was the excuse to try the daring things that bring excitement to life. I felt like I was able to be a kid again. Play softball? Run a 5K? Yes, please!

But dignity? Well, it doesn’t make sense, it is not good and it is certainly not fun. Dignity is HARD.

In the past two weeks, I have yelled at my children more than I care to admit. I have also yelled at my husband and friends, there is nothing dignified about this. In these few short weeks, I have come to realize how very undignified I am. Frustration comes easily to me. It rises so quickly to the surface. And I can justify it! If you only knew what my day was like, I say, but I can see it in his eyes. Excuses. Lack of contentment. Immaturity even.

Choosing dignity as my one word has opened up a Pandora’s box for me. It is causing me to look hard at my heart issues, the ones that most casual observers of my life never see. But they are there and they are being ripped out and they are on display. My family has front row seats.

The ugliness in me has got to go.

As you might expect, I have been pondering this idea of being clothed with dignity (Proverbs 31:25). Dignity is a choice. It is something I can choose to put on. Or not. It is a deliberate decision to respond in an appropriate way. It is being faithful to truth, even when I might prefer to respond out of emotion. It is being brave enough to draw a line in the sand, to say THIS is who I want to be, because THIS is who I believe Christ wants me to be!

When I first joined Pinterest, I started a style board (which is quite laughable- those who know me are all too familiar with my general lack of style!). But one thing I do know is that everyone has a different style based on age, personality, body type, and financial means. I believe the same might be true of dignity. It is not a one-size-fits all kind of thing.

This year, I am going to start a dignity board, maybe not literally on Pinterest, but definitely in my head and my heart. What should dignity look like on me? How do I change my quick responses of frustration? In what ways can I bring honor to my God through my pursuit of dignity? How do I honor others?

One thing I know for sure is that this pursuit of dignity is going to be quite the ride!

Becky Daye One Word 2015 Image Small

Image from the lovely and generous Traci from tracimichele.com

4 Comments

  1. Tonya Reiner
    January 13, 2015

    thanks, Miss Becky. Preaching to the choir, I wish my heart could help my head wrap around things better, more sweetly, more patiently. Miy word is faithfulness for this year, and already I am stretched way beyond myself. I know that is where He can finally work, now that I am finally out of the way, but I really don’t like it. It isn’t the lack of control I mind so much, but feeling like I am constantly drowning, only tending the tyranny of the urgent, that kills me. Now, huge decisions have to be made, life changers for Steve and I, all painful. Don’t want this at all. God is sovereign, He isn’t surprised, and He wants it all for good in me and others around me, but I feel crushed.

    Reply
  2. Sarah
    January 13, 2015

    There’s ugliness in all of us, but like you say, a lot of the time, other people just don’t see it. I’m sorry for you about your friends; I hope they’re good enough friends to forgive you and move on.

    Reply
    • Becky Daye
      January 13, 2015

      When I reread this Sarah, I realized that it sounded the way you took it- that I yelled at my friends! That is not what I meant!! I will go edit that now!

      Reply
  3. Solveig Anderson
    January 13, 2015

    loved reading this so much!! Everything in me goes “right on girl!” – This verse jumped into my head from 2 Cor 5: “For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.” And then I read further and it says: “For we live by faith, not by sight” and “So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it” – We have a hymn I love very much which has this refrain: “Bend me, mold me; Help me Thy Word to obey. Bend me, mold me Into Thine image, I pray.” – It’s called the good fight of faith for a reason. Let’s be faithful and let Him do His work – part of seeing all this wretchedness in me is to convince me that I have to give up trying to do this in my power. God gets all the glory!! Thanks for being so honest and showing your heart Becky! You are an example and your longing after godliness vibrates through each article you write – I love that!

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