Lately, my life has been more reactive than proactive. More surviving than thriving. More of an in-a-rut than in-a-rhythm kind of living. I’m over it.
I don’t want to feel stuck anymore and while my circumstances haven’t changed, I need to change. I need to live life inspired. I get stuck when I am not excited about what I am doing or when I feel like there isn’t purpose in what I do. What I am realizing is that I have started to think that I need to be okay with not being excited about what I do and while I believe that this is partially true (there will always be things that we have to do, but will probably never love to do!), it is perfectly acceptable and even appropriate to want to be excited about life and to live it fully. Being serious all the time and rigid and meeting all the expectations is not for me.
Over the past few years, I have given up some of the areas that have brought me deep joy and satisfaction. I am giving myself permission to reclaim them. Because while I am now a homeschool mom, that is not my only role. And I realize that in order to be an engaged, joyful mother, I must have inspiration and excitement in my personal life.
And so, I am going to reclaim my blogging life. My life is fuller and richer when I experience life with intention and blogging helps me to focus on being intentional. When I consider how I might write about something, I am forced to consider experiences in a deeper way. I miss “Try Something New Thursdays”, posts that never caught on with anyone else, but were immensely inspiring to me. Every week, I was trying something new and it’s a wonderful way to live!
I have become like a stagnant pond that receives no fresh water. I need water pouring into me and I need outlets for my creativity.
There will be more blog posts. You have been warned.
Last night, my soon-to-be thirteen year old came to me with a too frequent request- he wanted to play on the computer. Instead, we started to look up fun activities on Pinterest. He is now inspired to make bleached design t-shirts. Finding ideas for things to do with him was a reminder that we used to do this all the time in our pre-homeschool days. But now, we (the kids and I) are with each other every day and so much of what I do involves coming up with ideas to aid their education that I forget to do the FUN things. Computer time, Xbox games, and Kindles have replaced our creativity because the truth is that I need a break after working with them all the time. I’m tired of this being the default though and the truth is, they are tired of it too. An hour of playing on electronics is not nearly as exciting as creating something that they are proud of.
Did you know that I wrote a book last year? It was a labor of love for my Mom, but as I have written it, I have felt the responsibility to share the story. It’s taking me a long time to edit it and revise it. Part of me doesn’t want to. It is safer to not share, but the whole point of the book is to inspire my kids and anyone who reads it to live fully and with intention. Even as I write that, I realize why I have been stuck in regards to my book! It’s obvious, right? I haven’t been living inspired, so perhaps I am a fraud.
Who am I to write about living a legacy when that is not the way I have been living?
But the truth is, I am not a fraud and I know this to my core. Sure, I have been stuck in so many areas, yet I continue to pour into my kids with passion every single day. We have read countless books, experienced some truly remarkable things, gone on the most amazing adventures and made memories that will last a lifetime. I am leaving an indelible imprint on the lives of my mysterious Daye society. Perhaps the whole point of writing this post was for that very thing. To remember.
My Purpose: to have an impact on my kids and on those within my sphere of influence for the glory of God.
When I am being faithful to my purpose, I am living life inspired and I am living a legacy.
Yesterday, I had the opportunity for the fourth time in my life to explain to one of my offspring the reason why we take communion. Before going to church, I found my youngest under her bed, playing with my Kindle. So, as she sat on my lap in “our” pew, I explained to her that the sacrifice that Jesus made for us would have been like Gibson taking her punishment for disobedience. He wouldn’t have deserved to be punished. He didn’t take my Kindle and play with it and he didn’t make her take the Kindle or hide under her bed (she was fully aware that the opposite would have been true- had he discovered her covert operations, he would have made sure Mama knew about it!!). Her eyes widened as she considered the implications of this sacrifice. To take a punishment for someone else when you didn’t do anything wrong? Inconceivable!
But this IS exactly what Jesus did for us. He didn’t deserve to die on the cross. He never sinned, yet he was willing to die in our place and give us his righteousness instead of the punishment we deserved. It’s remarkable. It’s why we have a ritual that faithfully causes us to remember what he has accomplished for us.
As I reflected on our conversation later in the day, I was reminded that THIS is exactly how I want to live, sharing truth when the opportunity arises. Seeking to make the most of life. And faithfully sharing my stories, because while there is more security in keeping things to myself, it’s not how I have been made to live.
I want to live a legacy. I want to live inspired.