Gifts in the Grieving

I sat in a small waiting room filled with parents and little girls in leotards. It was audition day for the Nutcracker. My daughter and her friend were nervous, but excited for the opportunity. Lindsay had been dreaming of dancing in the Nutcracker since before she started taking dance classes- over three years ago.

Numbers 112 and 113 were called and they were off. As my friend and I waited, I felt like crying. Sobbing actually. But it wasn’t because I was nervous for my daughter. It was because I had received a phone call during the night prior to this audition. It was the expected, but dreaded phone call telling me that my Daddy had gone home to be with Jesus.

This audition was squeezed into an already busy Saturday. There was no time for grieving.

My husband came home from a fishing trip that had been planned before we knew that my Daddy was in his final days.We had 10 minutes together before I had to take my girl to her audition. He held me tight and whispered in my ear, Becky, you don’t have to do it all.

I knew he was right, but I also knew that I needed to keep going. I needed to have some sense of normal, because I had lost one of the pillars in my life. And so, I leaned hard into Jesus and kept going.

Our next event was a wedding that I had been anticipating all summer. One that I had been praying for ever since I met the bride just over two years ago. My husband said it again, Becky, you don’t have to do it all, but I knew I couldn’t miss this wedding. And so we went and celebrated a dear couple and enjoyed some time with our beautiful baby girl.

At the reception, I captured this picture. The Daddy dancing with his daughter, through the eyes of my daughter with her Daddy. It was poignant moment~ knowing that my Daddy was gone, but being able to celebrate other Daddies and their daughters.

By the end of the day, my heart felt full. In choosing to continue with our plans for a busy Saturday, I entered my grieving slowly. The tears would come over time, but they have been interspersed with reminders of the gifts I have been given in life.

This past weekend, Lindsay danced in the Nutcracker. My decision to take her to the audition in spite of the difficult timing paid off. She danced beautifully. Her smile lit the stage. That moment was worth every penny spent, every rehearsal, every difficulty. It left me teary.

My blessings in life are overflowing. I have experienced great loss this year. The tears still come unexpectedly and I miss my Daddy so very much. But there are gifts in the midst of grieving. My daughters bring me so much joy. And I rejoice in knowing that their Grandfather would be so proud of them!

I miss you and I love you. Thank you for living your life well. Your life continues to impact mine as I seek to raise your 4 Daye grandkids the same way you raised me~ to love Jesus with all of their hearts. 

Linking with Emily at Chatting at the Sky for Tuesdays Unwrapped– a celebration of the gifts that can be found in the ordinary of our days. Also linking with Crystal for Behind the Scenes– the challenge to share a picture and go a little deeper, telling what was actually going on.